The Step Parent

The Step Parent

After a pretty heated conversation with a young lady about her current situation with her child's father. This blog really came to light for me. As a product of a “blended family” the convo hit home.

The step parent in many situations is looked at as such a “bad thing” and why? “my child will NEVER call any other man/woman “Dad or Mom” well what if they feel comfortable doing such? You going tell them they can ONLY refer to Roger as Roger? When hes been there from day one? Hes helped you raise little Keisha. He’s been to every assembly with you, helped you celebrate every birthday, bought school shoes and more importantly has LOVED your child like his own! Is that not a like a slap in the face?

My own story..

My real father I have seen my whole life MAYBE 10 times… No diss to him. Hey he choose. I didn’t and neither did my mother. None the less my mother fell in love with a guy who later became my step dad (technically) but to me he is and will always be “my daddy” He has been there, even with all the HELL I gave him he NEVER gave up on me! EVER!

Now let me be honest…my mother pressured and made me and brother call him dad at first. I hated it partially because I was a very rebellious teenager and because I wasn’t ready YET! Once I was matured and was able to see that this man has truly taken the role as “my dad’ and with no questions asked. Ill admit it did take some time for me to be comfortable and for a couple reasons (that’s another blog) but once I was ready there’s no one that could tell me NOTHING about my boo! We to this day have a really good relationship. I think I act actually A LOT like him, and others think I look like him even (that’s always funny to me) but not only him but his whole side of his family embraced me and my brother WHOLEHEARTEDLY. My mother’s approach I’ll admit I DON’T agree with it at all. I do commend her because at the end of the day not only did she stop pressuring us but she NEVER talked ugly about my real father. Never told us or him we couldn’t see each other, if we ever asked about him she would say here's the number I have for him…call him (always awkward lol)

I posted the question on FB about ones child calling the evil wicked “step parent” mom or dad. If you commented and your reading this THANK YOU. More women then men answered which didn’t surprise me one bit lol. I found that the general consensus was hey okay if this he/she is doing for my child too and is genuine, and treating my child like their own (but don’t cross that line!) Then “okay” if my child is comfortable and ready for that step. A very good point that was also brought up and I believe VERY important is that this he/she is not just a random person that the other parent has around for the week, month or two. This is a long term relationship even a marriage (another good point). I personally think it’s okay (when child is ready of course) to say this even in just a long-term relationship. I have been a step parent a few times myself. Let me be clear I have NEVER forced or asked anyone’s child to call me “mom” I’ve always been respectfully and affectingly known to them in different ways.

There were definitely some “hell no” NEVER I don’t think the child should call anyone other then the bio parent "mom" or “dad”. Period! Well okay… my take: It’s a blessing to have someone else step in and say Ill love this child like my own (having their own kids or not) but “I got you” and not only you but them. Step parenting is EVEN harder then one would think sometimes. We are trying to establish, keep it going with the partner and now I have to do the same with a child. OH and not to mention maybe a VERY BITTER Ex as well. This is alot to take in and only the strong will survive this journey. I encourage any parent who feels "some kind of way" about a step parent. Ask your self would you rather your child be in a situation where the new person doesn't support, talk, uplift , help raise or even love your child? What if you were to die tomorrow? Would you not feel more at peace with the fact that not only will they be with their other parent but also that he/she has a partner that will help them with the child?

Blending a family can be very stressful. If you find  yourself in a blended family the one thing that will definitely help is keeping the best  interest of the child at the top of the list. I think alot of times people get so caught up in their won feelings of hurt , bitterness and disappointment about the relationship with the other person that they forget who its all about "the child".
I could be wrong (I know your shaking your head yes LOL) but let your child drive this car. If little Keisha feels comfortable and it comes naturally for her to call the next woman "mom" for the weekend when shes there. Then you should be happy that she feels that LOVED and BLESSED even to have more then one mother figure to run to in the time of need versus some little girls who don't have NOT ONE. In the right situations the step kids end up with twice as more LOVE then other little kids. Lets look at the positive and mature side of things.

At the end of the day EVERYONE will have their own way of dealing with blending their families and how to addr one another. But I urge you all to not be selfish and bitter. Base your decision on FACTS and not FACTS from the now OVER relationship between you and the other parent.  It takes a village to raise a child and if this village member is doing their part then so be it, consider your self not lucky but BLESSED!